Seven Hot Tips for the Right Relationship
By Rosie O’Hara, Author of ‘Finding the Relationship you Deserve’.
- Be clear, be very, very clear
Mostly in life, we concentrate on what we don’t want. We set out to avoid things.
Only those really, really successful people (mostly in business oddly) concentrate on what they want and where they are going. A bit like driving a car, or walking to the shops, if you don’t think about the real destination and possible pitfalls along the way. You won’t get there, will you?
I spent a large part of my life in some interesting relationships, not necessarily useful for me and perhaps not for the other person, but interesting. Do you know why? Because I spent a large part of my life concentrating on what I didn’t want – and that’s exactly what I got! Several times.
Firstly then I recommend or suspect what will work for you is that you make a list of things you want from a significant other and in your best relationship with another person. (Limit the list to 20 things at the most, some things are just impossible, you know. No one is perfect.)
- Be okay with yourself
The fact is no one else can make you do anything, we are actually response-able for ourselves. Only you can make yourself do things, no one else on this earth can make you do anything. It’s up to you to feel, happy, sad, satisfied or whatever that is. If you’re not happy or satisfied, you need to do something about it. You might need a little help from a friend, or a group or you might just benefit from making a list of things you enjoy and going out and doing some of them.
- Get rid of those feelings emotions around certain people
There will always be people who are annoying and fact is you might still bump into them. Or you just get bad vibes. Here’s ‘A Thing with Mickey Mouse’ a technique that really works and in fact a couple of people I know swear by this all the time. Click this link to a Soundcloud podcast here (you can download a free app to keep this on your phone or iPod for some practise). https://soundcloud.com/rosie-ohara-2/a-thing-with-mickey-mouse
- Live in the present
‘Only the present moment exists.’
Yesterday doesn’t exist, except as a memory. You know memories are very unreliable. When you experienced yesterday, it was n-o-w. Tomorrow doesn’t exist either, except in your imagination. When you experience tomorrow, it will be n-o-w. And as it’s all that exists, it’s a good idea to work on being in the now. Put old baggage on a conveyor belt and let it go.
- Check how you know you are loved
It’s a really good idea to check out what your idea of being loved is (and later to check out how your significant other experiences this for themselves, as believe me this will be different for everyone). I like to be given little gifts and to give them. My belove-ed does it differently he buys me chocolate (oh dear not good for me), gives me a lift to the town (I can walk and it’s better for me) and he tells other people about the good things I do (but I don’t always find out about this).
Suggestion – ask yourself these questions below and write down the answers (btw writing down positive things is much, much better than negative things. If the negative stuff creeps in, rip the paper up and throw it away or burn it).
- How do you know you are loved by someone else?
- Can you remember a time when you were totally loved, a specific time?
- In order to be totally loved, is it necessary for you to….
- hear that special tone of voice, or those special words?
- or is it necessary that you are touched in a certain way or a certain place?
- or that he or she does things for you?
That’s a start and something to think about.
- Go somewhere to meet the right kind of person
You might think or say ‘I just never meet anyone (anyone I’d like to be with)’. Check with yourself – where do you go to meet people?
Do you go to the right kind of places? That is do you go to places where you will meet people with the same thoughts and ideas as you? People who do the kind of things you like to do?
When you get there, apart from enjoying the event, think about how you are going to make things better for you. Go with a goal in mind to meet people, people you might like, who might know people who will like you. You could go to an event or place in the frame of mind ‘I don’t know what I’m going to get out of this event, and I am sure that something good will come of it.’ After all sometimes if people don’t actually know you are interested in finding a relationship, they might not let you know that they have a friend who too is looking for a relationship, or if this is a business event, having a good conversation with someone and telling them what you do and helping them to understand you are a nice person, will mean that when one of their mates or business colleagues mentions they are looking for someone who can………. they will think of you.
If you’re nervous there are ways of dealing with this, but that’s another post really.
- Know it will be all right in the end
‘Everything will be all right in the end. If it’s not all right, it is not yet the end’……. says Patel, the Hotel Manager, in the film The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel’ and actually he’s right. Sometimes we get too impatient. All good things take time. Never put up with second best because you can’t change people. You can change yourself but it’s important to weigh up if you really want to make that change and stick with it for the rest of your life. If you believe that it’s your destiny then that’s okay but generally we find it too difficult to stick with our destiny. So believe it will be all right in the end and do your very best to work towards that.
Rosie O’Hara lives in a little town called Forres in between the Highlands and Speyside of Scotland at the start of the Whisky Trail, with her husband Jim. Rosie is Scotland’s only Master Consultant of Words that Change Minds the LAB (Language and Behaviour) Profile®, Licensed Teacher of Magical Spelling, and a Certified Trainer of NLP and Master Practitioner of NLP. She is a career coach, writer, public speaker, broadcaster, as well as a parent, partner, granny and multi-faceted human being.
Her book ‘Finding the Relationship you Deserve’, which is about your relationship with yourself as that’s the most important one, all others will follow, is available on Amazon https://www.amazon.co.uk/Finding-Relationship-You-Deserve-relationship/dp/1511570504
 ‘Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.’ Is a quote attributed to John Lennon, he probably learned it from Maharishi Mahesh Yogi whom he studied with as it’s an old Indian proverb.